2. Tell Them What You Gained From Them
Assuming that there was any level of connection in your relationship, it’s highly likely that you learned or benefited from your partner in some way. So tell them about it.
Even if it’s something as simple as slipping in a casual “You really helped me realize how much I value (one of their positive character traits) in a relationship. And I wouldn’t have realized that if not for our time together.”
You don’t have to think this up on the spot. Brainstorm a handful of things that you enjoyed about your relationship and choose your favourite one (or the one that you feel would be easiest to say without making it sound like you’re still in love with them).
3. Include Some Logical Reasons For The Breakup
In order for your soon to be ex to have some real closure on the relationship, you want to give them, as one of my ex-military clients would say, “something to strap to their shield”.
If there was no logical reason for the breakup then they might be left to assume that you were just confused or shutting them out emotionally. But if you tell them that you feel like your values/goals/personalities aren’t aligned with each other, or that you feel like you’re growing in different directions, then their grieving process will be much smoother.
Make sure that the logical reasons you give them are about you or about how you both were as a couple… and not about them specifically. Just because you don’t like something about them doesn’t mean that it’s their character flaw… it just means that they need a different kind of person who will appreciate that trait more than you.